日子

日子，静悄悄地划过。

没来这里的日子，还是那样的无聊，那样的压力，那样的理所当然。

买了个新玩具，二手相机，不懂有买贵了吗？但自己很想换一台，始终下不料主意，就拿这台了。因为自己看着很喜欢啊。这个来着的假期，用的着了。

安排着家庭旅行，终于决定下来了。还有些许细节必须处理 - 交通，时间等。但还是期待着。

工作，总算是把报告搞定了，起码不再是惨不忍睹啊。只是，又时常加班了。感觉，更无奈和不满，但却还是不懂为了什么呆着。但，下个月，应该能比较轻松。

机会，看起来让自己溜走了。很多不错的Offer, 却不甘心，选择等着。如果结果不是预期那样，或更差，那不能怨了，自己的选择，不是吗？

只是，这两天，更没劲了。没有任何讨论，只是通知，就把我又换了。虽然只是个名字，但听说每次都是最后才有的分，更少，那，再次的问自己，值得？不满值，就快到顶点。

脾气，不能控制。坏多过好的时候。怎么是之前太好人？还是我真的变了，变冷淡了。或变骄傲了？无法接受很多"话"，觉得他们只是隔岸观火，事不关己。大部分时候，无法开怀接受或听人给与的建议，因为自己觉得无法行的通，或他们只是纸上谈兵，慢慢就觉得不耐烦了。

很多人来让我帮忙，我都学着拒绝，不想在揽上来了，真的压得我很累，很不开心。却遭到别人说，只是个小忙，怎么都不肯呢？不管了，好辛苦，怎么没人想过，累积起来的小忙，却够让我忙得没办法完成自己的工作，加班了。可你们呢？

是自己的软弱，还是意志力不够，吃不了苦？开始分不清，自己做的，什么是对，什么是错，应该或不应该。

连带的，最近的自己，连自己都不认识了。由别人口中才惊觉反省，怎么自己会有如此行为？小气，傲慢，长舌，计较，任性，暴躁，寡言等 - 不是他们说，但自己却在言谈中自己找出来了。

还有4个月，自己能走到那里？很害怕，会一天比一天扭曲。

漫画，音乐，Phone apps，是我的放松乐园。

PS: 今早有消息，一个中学同学因突发病，熬了不够一个星期走了。不熟，但还是必须说，一路好走。。。也该反省，时间不是必然，自己必须负责，有些事，必须当机立断，不然错过了，也不能怨，因为是自己当初的选择。

庆生

8月中，很多朋友的生日。

首先，15日- 是我家乡的好朋友生日。如果是以前，肯定会打个电话亲口说声：生日快乐。今年却没有了。可能是因为较早前另一个好友也没有打到，加上工作也有点忙（借口！）就只是在我们的群组上留言。但，没反应 - 可能也是在忙吧？最后的时候另个朋友说，她忙着和重要的人庆祝！哈哈，她本人没承认，但也好像没否认？无论如何，如果是真的，祝福她^^

16日 - 珊的生日。其实已经约好星期六简单吃个饭，实在想不出可以做些什么的，就约好了她和几个好友。但突然在当天早上，想到不如就今晚买个蛋糕直接过去吧？给她个小小惊喜 - 虽然不知道她会否喜欢。很久没有试过这种冲动了，为了不让它消失，就一直不断计划着去哪买蛋糕，时间如何安排。因为其实没告诉妈会迟回去 - 不想她担心的。随口问了下铭，他回了我一句：你大家姐喜欢怎样就怎样咯~ 哈哈，我想他也没想过我会来真的。所以当他接到我call他时，也吓了一跳。

到那里已经差不多8点了，不给他时间冲凉（因为他也刚到家）就让我给拖出来了。呵呵，然后就冲上去。看来珊有点小惊讶，看来我算成功了咯？简单的唱首生日歌，切蛋糕~ 然后就在她家坐下了，试着她的新沙发！谈着天，突然她妈叫铭劝珊去相亲？！满搞笑的对话，但可以看的出aunty的思想蛮保守，可能也只是担心珊老来没人照顾没人陪吧？天下父母心啊~ 突然，话题扯到我身上来？结果又给笑话了。。。

大概9点多就离开了。驾车途中，感觉很好，很开心，心情特别雀跃。很久没有试过如此心血来潮然后去做一样东西。感觉自己的热情都没有了，虽然没太多心思，却依然没有给自己的‘懒根’给拉住了。想想，好像都太‘习惯’了让他们来安排，来处理，而我却好久没有花心思或怎么的。。。原来，连心态都老了么？是时候找些事情来燃烧了。

第二天，星期六 - 必须上班。本来打算做到2点，拖下出来已经4点了，没吃午餐呢。还好没有胃痛这个毛病。工作上发生了小事情 - 闷了好一会。后来出来，去面包点逛逛，想自己不能撑到晚餐啊~ 最近都爱去一间面包店，看起来都蛮不错，招牌健康（有那间不是？=_=）价钱OK加上我觉得划，因为不会很贵一个面包但是小小的。面包香~ 什么闷气都没有了~~ 还买了蛮多个 @@

下去吃个饭，气氛满不错，又再次为珊唱了生日歌。人不多，但我觉得还不错，轻松和柔和，谈天说笑，只可惜辁不在。本来想看电影，却没有中意的戏而放弃，结果去逛tesco了。还让我买了phone cover给我的电话~~ 之后又去喝凉茶废话了，呵呵。只是连续两天都驾车跑去那里，感觉真的有点累呢。

18日 - 另一个好友的生日。但我却给忘了。很惊讶。她曾经也是我们五朵花之一，并且我和她是认识最久的一个。。。但自从她嫁去新加坡，比较少联络后，我。。。连她的生日也可以忘了。过了一天后在FB看到她PO感谢才记得。。。但还是留了个: Happy Belated Birthday给她。。。突然感慨，那份曾经让我多么心疼，多么珍惜的一份友谊，却也在距离的情况下，渐渐变淡了。。。看到她偶尔PO的幸福家庭，为她感到开心，也希望她能继续幸福下去，家庭美满！

刚刚妈问我，每个晚上都做‘低头族’，在忙什么，不累么？

只是不甘愿睡。。。不为什么。因为，连自己都不知道。

Raya 长假

悠悠4天长假，就那给我peh过去了。

老爸来了，所以如常自己没什么安排。偶有信息来，问着要去逛街唱K? 时机不对都推了。难得老弟也多数呆在家。每天睡到自然醒，早上陪陪他们去逛下超市，吃个早餐，就回家呆在四方城了。

如料，路上没太多车，店也大部分关着，人潮也没太多，只是突然心血来潮去一品牌店，大减价，买了个包包(平常带去公司的那个已用了有3年以上了吧？烂了该换了。)和一件T shirt(最近都是偏好这类衣服多)，加起来不够50，算不错，很满意。

哥下来，带了许多榴莲，大饱口福。小瓜们比之前更顽皮，尤其最小的那个，只要妈，所以没人搞得定她。但那么快，最大那个明年一年级咯，想想，之后她还会如此的粘我们吗？竟然会开始如此思考着。

其实，超想去书展，不为什么，可能只想去走走吧？尝试邀约几个朋友，包括弟弟，都没能成功，有点纳闷。本来想自己跑下去看，想想还是放弃了，不想随便花钱。就只能看着朋友PO着相片，去给个赞咯。

开张自己的咖啡机了。第一次，失败。因为太多水了。然后哥来了，就让他玩着，咖啡粉多放下，感觉就不错了。尝试喝着黑咖啡，或是加奶，或是milo，又喝了不少啊。结果？榴莲加咖啡 = 痘痘脸上飙~

电脑带回家，也没太勤劳，只在其中一晚上努力了下。成果还不错。起码今早不会太过烂的报告啊。

想想好可惜，有点浪费假期了。虽然有好好的和家人过，但心想可以更有意义？来个Family trip应该不错，当然包括姐和哥家人 - 在小瓜们还能玩成一堆，爸妈还能走动的时候。感觉最近都没有什么交流，就连现在，老爸也只是坐在旁边玩着自己的电话游戏。不怪得老妈也感叹，他也成了低头一族了，呵呵。。。但有注意着老爸情况，发现他真的。。。没有以前那么健壮了，还很多时候发呆。

明天，上班情况应该会恢复正常了吧？

而我呢？

晚安。

Shock news

This morning, got a shock news from a colleague....

One of our Malay colleague pass away... just this morning... catch in fire... and she stayed very near to me only...

Still thinking, yesterday did i still saw her? Suddenly think.. nope.. although in same office, we not always meet each other.. but she can say is the most joyful lady that we had met ever... take the word from my ex-colleague: The most joyful person i have ever seen... why we will say so? I not sure how old is her, but she is a mum of 3? or 4 children... she always look so happy & joyful, and she really a great & caring colleague, those malay colleague always like to talk to her, and she always willings to lend out her ears for them.

Also, she always so nice to share food with us, remember every time we got raya morning session, where the malays will prepare food & drinks, she is the one you will see walking around busy, but still smiling and serving people.. most of the food was cook by her as well.. & last year raya time, we still in same dept... she purposely bring us Raya biscuits & some nasi lemak for us... we really love her food...

Other than that, the another reason we will say she is very joyful is.. now she is work as customer service in call center, you very less can find a people that with the voice.. you hear you will feel the 'smile' & 'happy' in the voice... she is the one! So we always say, if complaint customer, can pass to her, with her voice, i think people will not feel angry anymore...

Yesterday, still receive a transfer call from her.. with very happy voice. Recently with great tension, most of the times i'm on my 'cold' face & cold voice ... but when she transfer call to me, very auto reply her with a smile thru phone.. but sad that i cant remember when i last saw her face? Her seat actually is on call center corner room, which every time if i go to toilet, if i look into the room, i will see her... but weird is yesterday i passby few times, and dunno why few times also purposely look in to look for her sign.. i dunno why i got this action, but i not manage to see her... maybe not a weird thing.. but now, i made me feel so sad as i cant see her last face...

Actually colleague asking me to go hospital for her.. even can come to fetch me.. somehow, i rejected. I wanna go, but my mum not really agree & some sort of pantang? hmm.. say real, myself also like wan go not to go... because i really dunno how to handle all these things.. and i also... haiz.. so mum's all these reason just giving me a stronger reason to choose 'not to go', because i know if i really wanna go, i still can go since im already an adult...

RIP... Iza, we will always miss you...

first day of August~

Actually recently go to work is giving me the feel like go to suffer, totally no fun and feel tension. This morning, the feel is become more, because I twisted my neck, make me so want to take mc ah~~

no matter how, I still drove my car head to office. right shoulder is quite pain when try to turn the sterling, so can say I'm only using my left hand, the hand that not really have power to drive, haha... feel kinda tiring also. 

Same thing, busy working day. Today need to attend a conf call, which need to suggest some enhancement on the system, with my new supervisor... hmm... how to say, found something weird thru the discussions. My this new supervisor, in work, I believed thats he can do very well on something target, and this is what I really need to learn from him - direct and straight to the point, look for root cause, settle n get the outcome / target. However, just can say he not really know how to handle... or, how to say... the way he talking, really I cant catch when he is serious or joke... unless u see his face.. but thru the conf call, another side cant see his face... so I not sure how that fellow think, as almost until the end, I can feel the another side sound like a bit... impatient... >< 

Night, gathering with ex-colleagues. First suggestion actually is steambot, but due to me n another friend also Not really fancy about that, we changed place. Just... I really surprise they will choose that place... an italian style restaurant... because my this gang always is quite save one, normally will not choose this kind of restaurant....

We had nice conversation, and the food there is nice as well. Keep chit chatting and updated each other the news. Then in the middle, one of my friend walk away for a while... I didn't expect this action got what special, then later I know what happen already. The waiter come to our table and ask: should I come up the cake now? Lolz~ surprise gone! As they actually prepare the cake n want the waiter bring it up to surprise me~ then my friend kept say about the waiter 'don't know do'. haha, still, I still feel so, as I really didn't think they will buy me a cake~~

Then, the waiter want me to give speech... hahaha... just thank to them loh.. and sing me birthday day song... ask my name, ms yau.. so when sing happy birthday with a 'ms', feel kinda weird. Then they help me make a wish, again, is to find a bf and get married soon! Lolz~ and finally, I manage to blow birthday candle, haha~

So, this make my day, at least feel better. Again, thanks friend that still willing help me celebrate birthday. No matter simple or suprise, with or w/o cake or present, most important is the sincere. I'm grateful I got so many great friend around me, n I always hope friendship can b sustain for long and nice.

Cheer~